I'm listening to Henry Rollins, specifically "Your Very Own Tank" and realizing why I enjoy the drive to work so much in the AM. It's not listening to the amusing DJ, or God Forbid David Lee Roth. I don't give a rat's ass about the whispery twat telling me "here comes another singer-fucking-songwriter" on the local "listener-supported" station. It's pissing off the other sleepy coffee drinking newspaper reading makeup applying cell phone talking dipshits in their SU-look-at-me-Vees by stomping them at red lights that really turns my crank. It's all about not letting people in just because they snuck all the way up the left turn lane and now they have to go straight oh won't you have pity on me Mr. Nice Guy in his Pickyup Twuck. FUCK YOU!
No I won't have pity on you you're a dark-rooted tire-waisted too-much-makeup-applied-via-rearview Sunny101 Celine Dion listening hag who does this EVERY FUCKING MORNING.
Yes I live a repetitive life, and take the same route to work (at the same time) every day of the week. So I see you in your Hyundai Santa Fe pulling the same shit every day, pleading with those soooo 1985 raccoon eyes "won't you let me in? I'm running late!"
You run late every day, traffic always sucks, and no, I'm not letting you the fuck in. Stop acting surprised - batting the baby browns stopped working 50 pounds ago. You know it, I know it, sure every now it works and some 50-something boomer whose Cialis hasn't quite cleared the bloodstream from last nights bi-monthly hump let's you in, then bogs traffic riding the brake trying to catch a good look at your reflection off the rearview for the next 20 blocks. Everyone needs an atta-boy, and really you could use the self-esteem building, but don't expect it every day.
Here's a hint - when the alarm goes off, get the fuck out of bed, lay off the Ambien and Michelob Ultra the night before, don't repeat DO NOT stop "just to check out what Katie's wearing today and if Matt still has that horrible haircut" before you leave the house, and you won't have to try and cut me off every friggin' morning.
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